Are those wedding bells in the distance? Ever since you proposed to your soon-to-be spouse, they absolutely are. As exciting as it may be, you’re probably also feeling a severe amount of pre-wedding anxiety. Better yet, due to this anxiety and stress, you and your partner have probably had an argument or two.
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The purpose? Well, there might not be any. But the underlying stress and anxiety is probably to blame. (If you suspect anything else, it’s a good idea to take a closer look at what’s causing the arguments.)
But what are the causes of some of the most common arguments? Here are common ones you may experience leading up to your wedding day. Don’t worry, though – most won’t stop your men’s wedding band from being placed on your finger.
First and foremost, let’s be real: Some mothers like to live vicariously through their daughters. When wedding time comes, suddenly the wonderful mother-in-law turns a new leaf and becomes a new woman. Her transformation? She turns into Momzilla.
Maybe you’ve seen the show Bridezilla before. It’s a similar idea, but place the mom in the bride’s shoes, instead. Why? Well, chances are the mother wants to relive her bridal years.
Don’t take it personally. If your mother-in-law is intent on being part of your wedding, you can consider bending some, finding a way to allow her to have some sort of feature in the wedding. If you’re worried about it becoming a thing, you could even find a way to extend it to both sides of the family, so all parents feel involved – while your mother-in-law gets the attention she’s looking for.
- Your families are causing friction.
Listen, we love our families, but we can’t choose them. Things happen, people have their own personalities and there’s no way to control what others will think, say and do. And even if you and your spouse-to-be love each other to the stars and back, your families might not like each other that well.
If they’re causing friction between one another, you’ll be in a world of trouble, especially as it comes to planning your wedding. Here’s the thing: If they’re going to fight, they’re going to fight. What can you do? Do what feels right for you and your spouse.
Listen, your wedding is about you and your spouse, most of all, not your families. If they want to fight, let them. And when they do, don’t be afraid to step in and tell them that they’re being immature. Equally, don’t forget to remind them that your wedding isn’t about them, it’s about you.
They may take it personally, but you need to do what’s right for you. If you’re finding it difficult to manage, don’t hesitate to hire a professional. It’s best to have someone – not yourself – who can act as the peacemaker.
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- Does tradition have a seat at the table?
You and your spouse-to-be might also argue over what your wedding will look like, both reception and ceremony. For instance, do the two of you see it as being a modern wedding meant for the new age or do you envision a wedding that’s based on tradition?
For instance, if your family is religious and theirs isn’t – or vice versa – that could lead to potential issues, as one of you is bound to want a wedding steeped in religious tradition.
Don’t fear, though. The two of you need to work on finding a happy medium, one where you can both be comfortable at your wedding. Even if some of the traditions aren’t your own, they’re going to become yours through marriage, so it’s the right time to start working together.
- You’re on different pages.
A commonplace for argument is when partners can’t agree on what the other person wants. You can’t figure out what your meals will be, what the decor will look like, what your first dance song will be and what guests should be in attendance.
You’re bound to disagree when it comes to planning your wedding, and you’re definitely going to disagree as you begin living your future together. If you can’t handle the arguments now, you won’t be able to handle them in the future.
So work on conflict resolution: who wants what, why do you disagree and what is it that could remediate the situation. It’s better you begin managing your arguments in a healthy way now, rather than later. Put in the work and find a happy medium between you two.
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- Agree on your wedding budget.
The wedding budget is bound to cause some arguments, too. How much do you spend on a florist? How much food do you really need? Is it going to be a cash bar or an open bar? Are you going to get the most expensive wedding band or an affordable men’s black wedding ring? How much do you want to spend on a reception venue? Are you going to honeymoon like a king and queen or will you enjoy a week in your family’s lakehouse?
You’re likely going to disagree on where money should and shouldn’t be spent. As with everything else, the two of you need to budge here and there. However, you’ll also have to have a hard stance on some budgetary issues.
Marriage is all about give and take. It’s fine if you don’t always agree, as you’re not going to agree on everything in life. However, the two of you need to know where it’s right to give in, where it’s right to meet halfway and where it’s best (for the two of you) to stand firm.
You need to work together, especially when it comes to your marriage. Start off on the right foot towards a happy life.